So it has been over a year since my last blog. There has been a pretty good reason for that, I have been busy. I got a job that I love and have been spending countless hours trying to be the best person I can. We have been renovating the house which is turning out beautiful. I have been spending every spare second with Drew making up for lost time that I know I can never get back, but I am certainly going to try.
The last few months have been pretty rough, but I know my God will see me through. I know my faith in Him is enough and when I am so weak I cannot walk through the shadows of this world, He will carry me. I recently watched the love of my life struggle with the loss of someone he cared for deeply. Even with all of the loss I have experienced, I think it hurt me more to watch him go through this. I felt so useless, clueless, and alone. I said all of the "right" things. The idea of saying "I'm so sorry" or "he's in a better place" still makes my stomach turn. There are no words to completely heal the loss of someone who as truly and deeply loved. The hole will remain in one's heart, indefinitely. When I listened to his wife speak at his funeral, I cried like a baby. Unashamed, uncontrolled, and with pure sadness and sympathy. She told everyone that she knew her husband loved her because he told her everyday, and gave her a kiss every time he left her side. I hope with all of my heart that I can be as strong as her, because she is an amazing woman, wife, mother, and friend. There was nothing I could say to make Drew feel better about the loss of his friend, but her words seemed to heal not only him, but the whole family.
So I've started on my bucket list. Believe it or not, I am writing a novel. I think it is good, but we will have to wait and see. It's nice to be able to write down some of my experiences, dreams, and desires and make it into a love story. Shocking right? I'm writing a love story. I feel like my love life has been the only stable and solid thing over the past 10 years. He's my best friend and true love. We still don't have a baby, but I am finally starting to be okay with it. We know we have to wait on God's time and we will go from there.
Glad to finally update. I'm sure no one is reading, but it is nice to have a place to put my thoughts.
